Jason
Thank you so much for coming to celebrate the life of Jason. I know this means a lot to Vinnie and Charlie, his brother, his family, his friends and I think Jason would be so thrilled, he would have made a very long video of us all and set it to a lively Chinese song.
I feel like I’m the new friend on the block because I only knew Jason for a few years.
Robert and I used to walk our dogs every weekend in Norwood Grove which is just down the road from us. One Sunday I saw our friend Ali at the top of the park and went up to say hello to him. When I got there Ali was talking to two guys and introduced me to Jason and Vinnie. And of course, Charlie.
Jason and I hit it off straight away and we laughed about the fact that although we lived on opposite sides of the park for years, had been walking our dogs there for ages but we’d never met. I remember saying to him that I bet that now that we’ve met we’ll see each other all the time. And that’s exactly what happened. For the next week every time I got to the park Jason was there with Charlie. Eventually he suggested that we exchange numbers and text each other when we were on the way to the park so we’d be sure to meet.
It was during the lockdowns that I really got to know Jason. He was often the only person I met outside the house for days on end. We’d meet every morning and every evening to walk the dogs. We talked about everything, about the businesses, about his childhood, his life in Beijing, Hong Kong and London, his hopes, plans for they future. And I told him things about me that I would have to pay a lot of money if he ever decided to blackmail me. He became my closest friend and confidant and we used to laugh about how quickly it all happened. It felt like a plane taking off. From 0 to cruising speed in a split second.
In the past year Jason and Vinnie became the friends that you’d all want. We’d get a call on a Friday night from one of them saying we’ve just bought food and we're on our way to your house, open a bottle of wine. We even had a sofa made so that the 4 of us could all lie down together and watch movies in comfort. We spent most weekends together. It got to a point where Robert and I consciously made an effort to see other people. And Vinnie was telling me the other day how that really annoyed Jason. What are they doing tonight? Why are they going out?
They say you should hang out with people with whom you aspire to be and Jason made me want to be a better friend. I was always amazed at how different Jason was to me and yet how alike we were. My apologies for using such a cliche phrase but I cannot think of a more apt one: he was my brother from another mother. I was constantly astounded at how popular he was and how everyone loved him. When we walked through the park, everyone greeted him. He knew everyone, everyone knew him. For his last birthday I gave him a card that read Happy birthday to one of the few people I don’t think is a nob. And it’s funny because it’s true.
For his office colleagues, he was ‘all brains-all sizzle’. For his business colleagues, he was the type they would always remember, and anspire to be like. For his friends, he was living the life of Riley. And for me? Apart from being my best friend, he was my empathetic mother, my entertaining father, my bossy elder sister, my cynical younger brother — depending on the need of the hour.
He has left behind him an aching partner trying to find solace in the presence of equally aching friends. He has also left behind family who are crushed to the core. He has left behind a host of devastated and bewildered friends. He has left behind a very crippled me.
I thought I was going to France to rescue you and bring you home. But as a fatalist, I know each moment has unfolded exactly like it should have, that there is nothing I could have done to be your saviour — as much as I wish I could have.
You're not here Jason Zhang, but your presence lingers in the shadows.
You don't see what I see, but I hear you laughing with me when I laugh.
You don’t know what I feel, but I feel you, feeling for me.
The thought I want to end with comes from one of my favourite movies “Dances with Wolves”. Kevin Costner plays Dunbar who is assimilated into a Sioux tribe and they rename him Dances with Wolves. He is being pursued by the American army as a deserter and the only way he can help save the Sioux tribe is by leaving them forever. His best friend who is called Wind in his Hair is devastated and as Dances with Wolves leaves the camp for the very last time, he rides up the mountain and shouts across the valley to him:
"Dances With Wolves! I am Wind in His Hair. Do you see that I am your friend? Can you see that you will always be my friend?".